We last left off with me casually mentioning the idea of a Friday the 13th wedding to my mom. I had emailed her our plan before slipping into a meeting that lasted til the end of the day. I was chipper and excited to feel like my wedding was finally going to be a real, solid day. All this time I had felt like the planning, the thoughts, the ideas were all a waste of time. No date was set, so nothing felt like a wedding yet.
When I came home, Mom and I talked about the 13th and how bad of a time of year it would be for her. Inside, I was crushed. I knew she was right... I just hadn't even thought of how the time of year would affect her. It would be fiscal ear end for both of us, which means craziness, long hours and lots and lots of stress. Add a wedding into the mix and it just becomes overwhelming.
We ended the conversation with "you have to get married when it works for you"... and the selfish teenager in my brain that I keep hidden just for these moments started to act up. I knew that August would be hectic for me, too. So would July. So would June. I work at a non-profit that has summer events -- a summer wedding would never be ideal... but it was going to happen.
Plus a little part of me wanted to get married sooner. I'm so excited to be a bride and a wife that July just sounded so much closer than August. Over the next few days, the topic kept getting brought up. Eventually I dreaded even speaking about it. Then, one day, it was brought up one final time. Mom reiterated how much stress having the wedding in July would put her under and...
*enter first bridal meltdown*
I cried. A lot. I felt like I was being a burden (I wasn't). I felt like my mom was mad at me (she wasn't). I felt like I was doing everything wrong (again, I wasn't). I felt stupid, terrible, frustrated (I wasn't, I wasn't, I wasn't)... And I knew I was being irrational and having a dreaded Bridezilla moment which made it all the worse (was this going to be the start of a trend?) I was already ashamed of myself and ready to apologize to anyone I ever talked to about the wedding for my awful Bridezilla-ness and irrationality. I ended up saying stupid things and not making any sense... Even to me. I was in full anxiety breakdown mode.
All over one stupid date. Why was I letting this get to me so much?
Stay tuned for the conclusion in part four...
Setting the Date: Part One
Setting the Date: Part Two