{ Planning } Cry Baby

I’ve been devouring The Wedding Book, by Mindy Weiss these last few days. My mom and I picked it up during the Great Wedding Guide Caper, and it’s been so incredibly helpful. And hey – if it’s good enough for Heidi Klum and Seal, it’s good enough for me.

I recently came across the chapter that talks about toasts and vows. Reading into the details about when to make toasts, what are appropriate places and times to toast, what kinds of speeches you though plan on preparing… Two things happened.

1. My stage fright started to prematurely act up. I barely made it out of my college speech class alive, and now you’re telling me I have to do it all again? In front of my FAMILY?! In front of 200 some people?! It was tough enough doing it in front of 30 strangers! And then,

2. I started to cry. Not because of the stage fright, but because I thought about some of the things I wanted to be sure to say if and when I ever make a toast during the wedding or during the rehearsal dinner… and I got emotional.

This has really brought out one of my biggest wedding fears. I’m terrified that I’m going to be a big crying mess from sun up to sun down the entire wedding weekend. I’m going to ruin my make up. I’m going to look splotchy and red in pictures. I’m going to stumble through my vows while the tears rain down. And while I know that my makeup artist will be on site to help me through it all (Megan is a goddess!), I am still terrified that all I am going to be able to do is bawl like a big, emotional baby.

I can’t explain to you why this makes me so scared, other than I want to keep a level head and really be present for my wedding, not worrying about crying and running mascara and looking like a fool. I know that the tears during the wedding crunch-time are all going to be joyous, excited, happy tears. Tears that show how in love with Carl I am. Tears that show how excited and hopeful I am about our future together… But I can’t get the image of me looking like a hysterical freak out of my head.

Being an emotional person and a worrier… This is a deadly combination.

Do you worry about your emotions getting the best of you at your wedding?